A Note from my Old Diary

 July 11, 2011

   If there is one more thing that most of my friends do not know about me is that I am always having difficulty in handling break-ups and separations, most especially when that person-on-leave is very close to me. That is why sometimes I hate relationship, friendship and closeness.

        I know that three years does not give a guarantee of another single day... Meron ngang iba naghihiwalay after 20 years of relationship. That is exactly my weakness, I am not prepared as always because I believe that "preparation" will just build a wall of rejection and resentment.

       I have tried it though. Back when I was in college, I mean first year college, I didn't have enemies so as close friends. I prefer that one, so when someone bids goodbye moving forward would not be as damn-hard unlike what I am feeling at this point. But everything goes beyond my control, friendship grows and Here I am again, encouraging myself, saying same words I've said five years ago.

       I realized that no matter how we want to control things the way we wanted it to be, there are still things that is "out of our faculties". Sabi nga sa text ng cousin ko, "Things fall apart so other things will fall together and it happens for a reason."

      I love drama not unless I am the actress. I leave it already to him, bahala na si God, for now I will just urinate all the beer that I  consumed last night. :-((