A Note from my Old Diary

 July 11, 2011

If there’s one thing most of my friends don’t know about me, it’s that I always struggle with break-ups and separations especially when it involves someone very close to me. That’s why, at times, I find myself hating relationships, friendships, and closeness.

I know that three years doesn’t guarantee a single more day together. Some people even part ways after twenty years. That’s exactly my weakness, I’m never truly prepared. I’ve always believed that “preparing” just builds walls of rejection and resentment.

I’ve tried it before. Back in my first year of college, I had no enemies and only a few close friends. That made goodbyes somewhat easier, unlike how I feel now. But life has its own course friendships grow, bonds form, and here I am again, telling myself the same things I told myself five years ago.

I’ve realized that no matter how much we try to control life, some things are simply beyond our grasp. As my cousin once said in a text, “Things fall apart so other things can fall together and it happens for a reason.”

I’m not one for drama… unless I’m the actress. So for now, I leave it to him, and to God. As for me, I’ll just focus on surviving the aftermathstarting with urinating out all the beer I drank last night. :-((