An Open Letter to my special someone
DeaRest Joe,
I had been so defensive from the first time I saw you. It was during our cheering days that I started to like you but I was so reluctant as I always had been because I did not want to fall to anyone because I believe true love never exists for someone like me or "us".
But then...we became friends. And later on, the closest friend I got from the small group we joined. I never thought that I would fall for you because we are in the "same page". There was never a single day that I was not excited everytime we have practice because I always wanted to see you.
Then, we won! It was a mixed emotion. I was happy because all of our hardwork paid off and sad thinking we will not see each other anymore. That was just a thought because after that you always had time to visit me in my post during your breaktime. Then there I was like a magma seeking a crevice to come out from my hiding. I was confused. I was asking myself back then "What are you doing?" "Why you are doing what you are doing?"
Days passed by and you were not visiting me anymore because you are busy but we still keep in touch. At that time, I started to miss you because I got used to you always being around. I started to get angry to myself. Why I let myself fall? I should have stopped myself maybe that's better. Then, I unfollowed you in facebook and hid your post so that I won't see you anymore
It was my defense mechanism. My refuge from all of these stresses.
I started to ask myself "Is this normal?" "Is falling in love with the man who has same preference just normal?" I was in confusion. I was very confused of the new feeling that I started to feel back then. So many identity crisis questions.
Then I learned, gays do fall in love with each other. I hate myself for letting you in to my world (indie films, corny movies, different levels of weirdness). I feel like I am victim of my own trap. I hope that you always do good and fine. That's the only thing I could do for you, wishing that you always be just fine.
Lovingly yours,
JLo
