The One Who Got Away

An Open Letter to my special someone
DeaRest Joe,

I had been so defensive from the very first time I saw you. It was during our cheering days that I started to like you, but I held back, as I always do, because I never wanted to fall for anyone. I believed that true love didn’t exist for someone like me or for “us.”

But then… we became friends. Over time, you became the closest friend I had in that small group we joined. I never imagined I would fall for you because we were on the “same page.” Yet, every practice filled me with excitement just to see you.

Then we won! It was a mix of emotions. I was thrilled that our hard work paid off, yet sad at the thought that we might not see each other as often. But you always found time to visit me during your break, and I felt like magma finally finding a crevice to escape. I was confused, asking myself, “What am I doing?” “Why am I feeling this way?”

As days passed and your visits became less frequent because of your busy schedule, I started to miss you more. I grew frustrated with myself why had I let myself fall? Maybe I should have stopped it. So, I unfollowed you on Facebook and hid your posts, trying to shield myself from these feelings.

It was my defense mechanism, my refuge from the emotional turmoil.

I questioned myself constantly “Is this normal?” “Is falling for someone who shares the same preferences normal?” I was lost, caught in a whirlwind of confusion and identity crisis.

Then I realized: yes, gays do fall in love with each other. And I hated myself for letting you into my world into my indie films, corny movies, and all my quirky weirdness. I felt like a victim of my own trap.

All I can do now is wish for your happiness. I hope you are always doing well, because that’s the one thing I can truly give you: the hope that you are just fine.

Lovingly yours,

JLo