September's Tirade!

September has been the most stressful month for me this year so far. Series of betrayals occupied my mind and heart that I was so stressed like a magma seeking crevice to come out from its hiding. I have been betrayed by a "friend" in a time where I needed her the most. And when the time came when everyone was so indifferent with her, there she is playing games with me again. What a fair weather friend! I realized that trust and true friendship are expensive gift and you cannot expect these things to come from cheap people like her. At least, I discovered what the real she is. 

September was also the  month where i mostly judged by the people who I truly expect would trust me. I keep secrets and I really do. You cannot really please everybody. Now that I spend time alone, I found myself comfortable with my own identity without thinking of pleasing others or those who were disappointed.    

(Sigh!) I just hope that October will be generous enough for me.Welcome Positivity.. Pray.Pray.Pray! :D

What I am looking forward to this week!

1. New Roommate

         Yihaaa! It has been four months since my roommate who is my friend left me. I was really so sad because honestly I think I cannot live alone, can I?  So there, I decided to publish and advertise the vacancy on line. I had doubts back then because I did not expect all peeps around me to be so nice and good. However, I also see it as an opportunity for me to have a new friend. And today if not tomorrow will be his first day here. I am just so excited to be his friend. I hope we can be friends. According to him, he is a registered pharmacist who works in a very respectable company worldwide here in UP Techno-Hub.  I was able to know his name because the care-taker of this boarding house listed it in their record. So here I am googling his name, just so excited to know that he is also a blogger. I think we have so many  things to share. Haay I just hope we can get along well.

2. Internal Job Application

        I applied as Portfolio Reconciliation Analyst in the same company where I am working for almost one and a half year now. It was crucial because before it goes to the team manager of the division where you are applying for, It will be subjected for approval of your team leader to senior team leader and of course the director of the whole division where I belong. I waited for so long for this  opportunity though it was opened long long before, I just let it passed because I did not meet the qualification where in you must be one year tenured in your present team. So when I got the invitation for my interview, my heart bumped as if it will come out of my chest. Now that I am waiting for the result, It is much more of the intensity of a magnitude 20 earthquake. If I pass, I thank God, If I won't pass , I will still thank God. Though I am a bit not confident for the result, I just hope God will always give me strength. Surely he will. :D Whatever happens I am now ready.

Lamentation of Deprivation...

Someone emailed me that blogging and social networking functions of Multiply will now be abolished because the management is thinking that other sites may serve well their patriots better. So I immediately visited my blog there and found out my old poems back in 2009. Let me tell you the story of this poem. I was once fell in love to a very intelligent guy when I was in high school. We never had private conversations till I got his number and then I introduced myself as a girl, and the rest were just lies. I made friendster account and uploaded somebody else's photos. I felt guilty about it only when I found out that this guy also fell in love in me (who is actually not me..) Then I found myself telling him who is the real me.  It was actually painful for someone who was very in love when the one you are in love with is in love to a person you are not. I was proud that I did the right thing that I told him who I really am. I learned that living a life with no pretensions is part of the road to happiness. I hope you will enjoy this one.

If Only..

I never know things will get worse

Even if all I know is to do my best
How weird it is to lie awake
I said I am happy , but my smile is fake.

How could I find words like "I am sorry"
If after, I have to say "Please stay baby"
How could I say "I love you"
If he already said "I hate you"

If only I could stop the clock
or perhaps push back its tic tac
I would gather all my courage
to show you that my love never really changed.

One lesson that I learned
that being true to myself should take
because what you think that is finger away
maybe will be now million miles away..

I did push you on the limit,
Cold, harsh truth, I cannot tell it
For now, I just want to cry it
To take away all the heartache.

I am sorry, I really really sorry
Sorry for myself to lose you
Sorry for you, because I fooled you
Even if I don't intend to

I admit I deserve it
Maybe it is karma for what I did
That's life like a pure red rose
We cannot accept its beauty without thorns.