Lamentation of Deprivation...

Someone emailed me that blogging and social networking functions of Multiply will now be abolished because the management is thinking that other sites may serve well their patriots better. So I immediately visited my blog there and found out my old poems back in 2009. Let me tell you the story of this poem. I was once fell in love to a very intelligent guy when I was in high school. We never had private conversations till I got his number and then I introduced myself as a girl, and the rest were just lies. I made friendster account and uploaded somebody else's photos. I felt guilty about it only when I found out that this guy also fell in love in me (who is actually not me..) Then I found myself telling him who is the real me.  It was actually painful for someone who was very in love when the one you are in love with is in love to a person you are not. I was proud that I did the right thing that I told him who I really am. I learned that living a life with no pretensions is part of the road to happiness. I hope you will enjoy this one.

If Only..

I never know things will get worse

Even if all I know is to do my best
How weird it is to lie awake
I said I am happy , but my smile is fake.

How could I find words like "I am sorry"
If after, I have to say "Please stay baby"
How could I say "I love you"
If he already said "I hate you"

If only I could stop the clock
or perhaps push back its tic tac
I would gather all my courage
to show you that my love never really changed.

One lesson that I learned
that being true to myself should take
because what you think that is finger away
maybe will be now million miles away..

I did push you on the limit,
Cold, harsh truth, I cannot tell it
For now, I just want to cry it
To take away all the heartache.

I am sorry, I really really sorry
Sorry for myself to lose you
Sorry for you, because I fooled you
Even if I don't intend to

I admit I deserve it
Maybe it is karma for what I did
That's life like a pure red rose
We cannot accept its beauty without thorns.