Lamentation of the Deprived

Someone emailed me that the blogging and social networking features of Multiply are being discontinued, as the management believes other sites might serve their users better. Curious, I immediately visited my old blog and stumbled upon poems I wrote back in 2009.

Let me share the story behind one of them. Back in high school, I fell for a very intelligent guy. We never had private conversations until I got his number. When I finally introduced myself, I didn’t tell the truth. I created a Friendster account using someone else’s photos. At first, it felt exciting, but the guilt hit me hard when I discovered that he had fallen in love with “me”, the person in the photos, not the real me.

Eventually, I found the courage to tell him who I really was. It was painful being in love while the person you adore loves someone you’re pretending to be but I was proud that I chose honesty. That experience taught me that living authentically, without pretension, is essential on the road to happiness.

I hope you enjoy this poem as much as I do.

If Only..

I never know things will get worse

Even if all I know is to do my best
How weird it is to lie awake
I said I am happy , but my smile is fake.

How could I find words like "I am sorry"
If after, I have to say "Please stay baby"
How could I say "I love you"
If he already said "I hate you"

If only I could stop the clock
or perhaps push back its tic tac
I would gather all my courage
to show you that my love never really changed.

One lesson that I learned
that being true to myself should take
because what you think that is finger away
maybe will be now million miles away..

I did push you on the limit,
Cold, harsh truth, I cannot tell it
For now, I just want to cry it
To take away all the heartache.

I am sorry, I really really sorry
Sorry for myself to lose you
Sorry for you, because I fooled you
Even if I don't intend to

I admit I deserve it
Maybe it is karma for what I did
That's life like a pure red rose
We cannot accept its beauty without thorns.